Okay, can we talk? Like, really talk?
I was sitting in my practice yesterday when a patient - let's call her Sarah - burst into tears. She'd been holding everything together - work, family, taking care of her aging parents - until she just... couldn't. And you know what she said? "Dr. Martha, I can't remember the last time I did something just for me."
God, how many times have I heard this same story in my 15 years as a sexologist here in Singapore? Too many to count.
So let's talk about self-care. And no, I don't mean those Instagram-perfect morning routines where someone's drinking green juice at 6am (though if that's your thing, power to you!). I mean REAL self-care. The kind that actually makes a difference in your life.
What the Heck is Self-Care Anyway?
You know what drives me nuts? When people act like self-care is just about bubble baths and face masks. Sure, those are nice, but real self-care? It's so much messier than that.
Sometimes self-care is:
- Finally saying "no" to your auntie who keeps asking when you're getting married
- Ordering delivery instead of cooking because you're exhausted
- Taking yourself to that TCM appointment you've been putting off
- And yes, maybe even buying your first vibrator (we'll get to that!)
Different Types of Self-Care (Because Life is Complicated)
Here's what I've learned from my clients over the years:
Physical Self-Care
Look, we all know we should exercise and eat well. But let's be real - sometimes physical self-care is just managing to eat lunch away from your desk. Or finally getting that health screening you've been avoiding. Or yes, exploring what makes your body feel good (blush all you want, it's natural!).
Emotional Self-Care
One of my clients - a high-powered banker in her 40s - told me she schedules "crying time" every Sunday night. Sounds weird? Maybe. But it works for her! Emotional self-care isn't pretty. Sometimes it's:
- Ugly crying while eating ice cream
- Telling your family you need alone time
- Finally admitting you need help
- Letting yourself feel pleasure without guilt
Let's Talk About Pleasure (Yes, I'm Going There)
Takes deep breath.
Okay, this is usually where my clients start squirming in their seats. But here's the thing - in my years at PinkLifestyle, I've learned that sexual wellness is something so many women want to explore but feel so paiseh about discussing.
Can I tell you a secret? Those fancy vibrators in our store? Most women who buy them tell me they walked past our shop 3-4 times before getting the courage to come in. And that's totally normal!
That's why we stock things like small bullet vibrators (they look just like lipstick!) and gentle clitoral stimulators. Because everyone has to start somewhere, right?
Real Talk About Getting Started
The other day, a client asked me, "Dr. Martha, how do I even start taking care of myself? I feel selfish even thinking about it."
Oof. That hit hard.
So here's what I told her (and what I'll tell you): Start small. Like, really small. Maybe it's just:
- Taking the long way home so you can have 10 minutes of alone time
- Buying that toy you've been curious about (our staff can help - no judgement!)
- Actually using your lunch break instead of eating at your desk
- Saying "I'll think about it" instead of automatically saying yes
A Note About Sex Toys (Because Someone Has to Talk About It)
Look, I get it. Walking into a store like PinkLifestyle can feel scary. But you know what? That's why we're here. Our team specializes in sexual wellness and we've heard every question imaginable, and we're not here to judge.
Whether you're looking at our beginner-friendly vibrators or just want to learn more about your body, we've got you. Take your time. Ask questions. We've all been there.
The Truth About Self-Care
Some days, self-care is a fancy massage. Other days, it's just managing to brush your teeth and put on clean pajamas. Both are valid.
And if you're ready to explore the intimate side of self-care? We're here. No judgment, no pressure.
Just real talk, real support, and really good products when you're ready.
Come see us at PinkLifestyle. Or catch my podcast "Eros Matters" where I talk about all the things we're too shy to discuss in person!
With love (and a bit of cheekiness),
Dr. Martha
Resident Sexologist of PinkLifestyle.com
P.S. Still feeling shy? WhatsApp us. Sometimes typing is easier than talking!
Dr. Martha Tara Lee is a Singaporean Chinese Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist, renowned for her pioneering work in sexuality and relationship education. She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, a Master’s in Counseling, a Master’s in Public Policy and Management, and a Bachelor’s in Communications. In 2009, she founded Eros Coaching to empower individuals and couples towards self-actualization and pleasure-filled lives. Dr. Lee has authored four books, including Love, Sex and Everything In-Between and Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between. She has been recognized as one of the Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40 by Her World in July 2010 and one of the Top 100 Inspiring Women by CozyCot in March 2011. Additionally, she hosts the weekly radio show Eros Matters.