"Just enjoy every moment!"
If one more person says this to a sleep-deprived new mom, I might scream. After 16 years of working with postpartum women, I know the reality is much messier. Beautiful? Yes. But also exhausting, overwhelming, and sometimes just plain hard.
Let me share something that happened in my clinic last week. A new mom - barely out of her confinement period - broke down crying. "Everyone keeps asking when I'll get my pre-baby body back," she sobbed. "I can barely find time to shower!"
The Truth About Recovery
Let's get real about what recovery actually looks like:
- Sitting on ice packs
- Wondering if your organs will ever feel normal again
- Trying to shower while the baby cries
- Leaking from places you didn't know could leak
- Feeling like your body is somehow both empty and heavy
And you know what? This is all normal. Every bit of it.
About That "Bounce Back" Nonsense
Can we just throw this whole concept out the window? Your body spent 9 months growing a human. It's going to need more than a few weeks to feel like yours again. And maybe it never feels exactly the same - that's okay too.
One client told me, "Dr. Martha, I used to hate my stretch marks. Now I look at them and think - hey, these are my tiger stripes. I earned them!"
The Emotional Rollercoaster Nobody Warns You About
Here's what postpartum emotions really look like:
- Crying over baby socks (they're just so tiny!)
- Feeling overwhelming love one minute and overwhelming anxiety the next
- Missing your old life while loving your new one
- Being touched out from breastfeeding but still wanting hugs
- Feeling guilty for feeling any negative emotions at all
Let's Talk About Rest (No, Really)
I know you're rolling your eyes. "Rest? With a newborn?" But hear me out.
Rest isn't about sleeping 8 hours straight (though wouldn't that be nice?). It's about:
- Taking that 10-minute shower while someone holds the baby
- Saying yes when your mother-in-law offers to do laundry
- Letting the dishes sit in the sink
- Actually lying down during baby's nap instead of cleaning
Physical Recovery: The Real Deal
Your body just did something incredible. Now it needs time to heal. This means:
For Your Body:
- Using those padsicles (they're lifesavers!)
- Taking it slow with movement
- Getting help with lifting (yes, even that "light" laundry basket)
- Being patient with yourself
For Down There:
- Taking care of any stitches
- Being patient with healing
- Listening to your body's signals
- Not rushing into anything you're not ready for
A Note About Intimacy
Whether you're thinking about sex again or the very thought makes you want to run away - both are normal! There's no timeline for when you "should" feel ready. When that time comes, having quality, body-safe products can help you feel more confident. At PinkLifestyle, we understand that postpartum bodies need extra gentleness and care.
What Actually Helps
From my years working with new moms, here's what makes a real difference:
- Accept help (especially from your confinement nanny - that's what they're there for!)
- Lower your standards (clean house or sanity - pick one)
- Talk to other moms who get it
- Be honest with your doctor about how you're feeling
When You Need Extra Support
Sometimes the baby blues don't lift. Sometimes anxiety feels overwhelming. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to who isn't going to tell you to "sleep when the baby sleeps."
That's what I'm here for. Whether it's through my podcast "Eros Matters" where we talk about these real issues, or through professional support - you don't have to figure this out alone.
With understanding and care,
Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Resident Sexologist of PinkLifestyle.com
P.S. Feeling overwhelmed? Reach out through WhatsApp. Sometimes typing one-handed while feeding the baby is easier than making a call!
Dr. Martha Tara Lee is a Singaporean Chinese Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist, renowned for her pioneering work in sexuality and relationship education. She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality, a Master’s in Counseling, a Master’s in Public Policy and Management, and a Bachelor’s in Communications. In 2009, she founded Eros Coaching to empower individuals and couples towards self-actualization and pleasure-filled lives. Dr. Lee has authored four books, including Love, Sex and Everything In-Between and Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between. She has been recognized as one of the Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40 by Her World in July 2010 and one of the Top 100 Inspiring Women by CozyCot in March 2011. Additionally, she hosts the weekly radio show Eros Matters.