Introducing sex toys may not be an easy topic to broach in the bedroom especially when it comes to your male partner. He may sometimes feel slighted or insecure as there’s a misconception that sex toys are only used when an individual is sexually unfulfilled. However sex toys should be seen as a collaborator, not a competitor when it comes to partnered sex! In fact, they can help increase the intimacy and bond with your beloved. If you’re keen to explore together with him, here are some suggestions to start the conversation.
1. Ask for consent
If this is your first time introducing sex toys into your relationship, ensure that you’re on the same page by getting their thoughts and seeking consent. Communicate honestly about your reasons on using sex toys in the bedroom without pressuring or defensive. You may start the conversation subtly in a general manner like “Did you know that Isetan now has a Sex Toy shop called Pink Lifestyle?”. You can also be direct yet gentle by asking “I really love our intimate times together and it’s been turning me on to imagine blindfolding and tying you up. Is this something you think you will enjoy?”
Once your partner is open to the idea of incorporating sex toys in the bedroom, discuss and find out what their turn-offs and turn-offs are. Some penis-owners feel the most pleasure with the stroking of their shafts while others may be more stimulated by focusing on just the head of the penis. They also have preferences for the types of textures, touches and stroke pressures. By understanding their anatomy, you can shop together for sex toys that will feel good for him. For example, you can use the Tenga egg masturbators on the head of the penis while using your other hand and tongue to pay attention to his shaft.
3. Explore different erogenous zones together
The prostrate is also referred to the male version of the G-spot while the perineum (between the scrotum and anus) is packed with nerve endings that have heightened sensations when stimulated. It’s important to note that anal play for males doesn’t reflect their sexuality. It’s simply an erogenous zone to be explored without prejudice. If your partner is willing to experience it with you, you can start slow with copious amounts of lubricant to rim the perineum with your finger. If he enjoys it and would like to go further, you can check out sex toys like prostrate vibrators and butt plugs.
4. Give and receive pleasure mutually
If your partner feels shy about buying a Sex Toy solely for his pleasure, you can also introduce the concept by investing in couple toys that can be used during partnered sex. Wearing a vibrating cock ring is a simple way that both partners can enjoy the toy during penetration. While the tightness of the cock ring can help to maintain his erection for longer and he can enjoy the vibrations at the base of his shaft, you can also be pleasured by the vibrating ears against your clit and/or anus during penetration.
It may seem a little nerve-wrecking to have the Sex Toy conversation in the first place. However as long as your partner feels safe and secure in the relationship, he’ll understand that sex toys aren’t
About Noorindah Iskandar
Noorindah Iskandar, is the founder and writer behind Shy & Curious. Shy & Curious is an online platform that explores sex and love without the fear of having to hide your Google search history! She write articles and essays about sex, relationships and intimacy through a mix of personal anecdotes and extensive research with honesty and humour.