BDSM has become increasingly popular among people to spice up their sex lives. Though it is fun, it can be dangerous if you are not prepared adequately before engaging in it. So, here are some tips for beginners about how to practice BDSM safely:
1. Aftercare is necessary to practice after BDSM:
Aftercare in BDSM refers to attention and time you should give to your partner to recover from the intense sexual sessions. If you are a beginner, you need to know about emotional and physical care to comfort your partner, as, after an intense scene, there is a drop in elevated levels of endorphins.
2. Use safe words during BDSM:
Come up with safe words during BDSM to signal your partner if things go far or you or your partner cross a boundary you did not plan. These safe words should be different from “Yes” or “No” because they are typically used in the bedroom. For example, you may use “Yellow” to proceed with care, “Green” to go on, and “Red” to stop.
3. Know about the needs of your partner before BDSM:
Communication is the key to make sex more pleasurable. So, have an honest face-to-face conversation with your partner before trying any type of BDSM. It will help you to know what you want and what your partner wants and doesn’t want.
4. Get basic knowledge about the human body:
A number of equipment, including sensory deprivation masks, ropes, handcuffs, belts, genital clamps, are used during BDSM. However, even simpler items may result in lasting damage if partners are not prepared. So before going into BDSM, have basic knowledge regarding the riskier places so ensure you are not hampering blood circulation. Especially it is vital to make sure that your partner is breathing.
References:
Chavarria, S. (2018, February 9). What is aftercare? This is an important part of BDSM you haven’t seen in the “Fifty Shades” series. HelloGiggles. https://hellogiggles.com/news/what-is-aftercare-bdsm-fifty-shades/#:%7E:text=Aftercare%20is%20all%20about%20pampering%20and%20nurturing.&text=It%20is%20as%20much%20about,time%20for%20care%20is%20essential.
Glassburn, B. S. (2015, March 16). Safe, Sane, and Consensual: The Bedrock Ethics of BDSM. GoodTherapy.Org Therapy Blog. https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/safe-sane-consensual-the-bedrock-ethics-of-bdsm-0316155
Smith, G. (2020, October 30). Starter Guide to BDSM: Rules, Core Values, and Words You Should Know. Greatist. https://greatist.com/connect/bdsm-for-beginners#rules
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
A born and bred Singaporean Chinese, Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She has a doctorate in human sexuality, masters in counselling and two other degrees. In practice for 12 years, Dr. Lee is also the appointed Resident Sexologist for sexual wellness boutique PinkLifestyle.com and Clinical Sexologist of Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013), Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019).
